March Journal

Youth Temple Trip to Nashville

March Journal

YW Spaghetti Dinner

YW New Beginnings

Spaghetti Dinner for the Other Ward

Some of My Mom's Conversion Story

Young Women's Christmas Party

Lots Going On

I can tell I have been busy, probably too busy, because I am not recording anything. I have neglected my journaling, among other things. But tonight I have the dishes done, the kids are sleeping (and so is Josh) and my mind is relaxed enough to write down some thoughts.

Co-op has been keeping me on my toes. We have over 20 families this semester and between all of the regular weekly stuff, Anita and I have been working on applying for non-profit status with the IRS. I still need to get our co-op a checking account set up but I may have our new treasurer do that. Last week we had our big "mom meeting" which is when we plan out the next semester's classes and the next year's assembly days (the big co-op events when everybody does an activity together). It went really well and I have a draft of our schedule put together, not an easy task. That is what most of my free time is being eaten up by and it will be nice to get that finished. I have some unfinished projects that I would like to get back to...they are starting to collect dust in my brain and I want them cleaned up and moved out of there.

One other big thing is that we expanded our co-op board to include five people, instead of three. I hope it helps the group next year. I am now only over the education stuff, and Anita will be moving on (lots of tears for that) since her husband is finishing dental school. So, lots of changes. We are trying to get a logo designed, a new website made, t-shirts planned for next year and a yearbook done (but I'm not in charge of that part). It is feeling more official and organized as we go along and it is a fun project for me, but pretty demanding at the same time.

Other than that, I'm still trying to lose weight but I have totally stalled. I was at 175.5 on Sunday, which is totally fantastic, but I'm not making any progress and here's why: I keep cheating. I have snitched Easter candy and birthday cake and dessert at the General Women's meeting and mini candy bars that were passed around at young women's. It seems like there is a constant supply of junk food in front of my face and I am finding myself saying, "Yes, thank you," instead of running away from it. And I can tell I'm eating it because my head hurts and I'm sluggish and tired and depressed. So, I know I need to eat cleanly and that it will help me feel better, but that doesn't make it easier. It is not easy to keep all the food prepared for my vegan diet while still making "normal" food for the rest of the family. I need to figure out a way to plan my food preparation into our routine. I need a way to find more time. Maybe I should stop typing and go make some healthy food, right? I know most of my wasted time is when I'm sitting right here doing nothing on the computer.

One other big gripe that I finally did something about was my incision. Yes, my c-section incision. Cora is almost four months old and it still hadn't closed. I finally got up the courage for Josh to stitch me up and I'm praying that it will heal up and that I can finally start exercising and feeling normal again. And wearing something other than yoga pants will be nice too.

Young women's is busy but good. Josh is almost done interviewing, which will be nice. He has been working hard and is exhausted every day. School is starting to feel possible again. This week so far the kids have finished early enough to really enjoy their afternoons. 3 on Monday and about 2:30 today. It makes us all happier when things get done quickly. Baseball has started and I am busy trying to run them both in two different directions. My friend Jill and I are having to coordinate rides almost daily between ball and scouts. It is crazy but it is working. Speaking of scouts, Emmett is trying to earn his Wolf rank at the May pack meeting so he has a month to finish all his loose ends. Melynn has a dance recital coming up and is loving ballet. I need to write about her birthday...another day. I have a hilarious video of Tucker I need to put on and Cora is just a darling. Too bad it is now late and my mind has turned fuzzy. Perhaps I can write more tomorrow...

Cora's Baby Blessing

Cute baby Cora had her blessing last Sunday, February 1st. My mom has been asking me to post pictures of it and I'm finally getting it done. I am still shocked at how much more work adding one small child can make for me. I am feeling constantly behind. But that's okay. I will figure it out eventually.

Over the weekend with Wes and Susan here, the kids had a great time playing all sorts of games. Wes taught them how to play flag football (remember it was Super Bowl weekend so we had football on the brain) and we had a wonderful game of Ticket to Ride which I lost badly. I think there was also a game of Phase 10 somewhere in there along with some Quirkle, which Wes won. We watched the Super Bowl together and I ate too many of the vegetable chips and hummus and too many M&Ms. I had a bad headache by the end of the day. I'm trying to remember that eating badly makes me feel badly. I just need to eat healthy so I feel good all the time. And by the way, I weighed in this morning at 176 lbs. I had a two week stall at 178.5 so it was nice to see a new, lower number. I am planning a cheat on Valentine's day so the rest of the week I need to be really good. I am making the cheesecakes for the young women's camp fundraiser (an Italian dinner + babysitting) and I really hope to snag myself a bite or two if there are pieces leftover.

Cora went to the pediatrician on Friday and weighed in at 10 lbs. 8 oz. and was 21 inches long. She doesn't look destined for tallness. She is in the 25% and is following her growth curve appropriately. I just think she is adorable, no matter what they say. I got a recommendation for a speech therapist for Melynn. I'm crossing my fingers that it is easy to help her learn to say the R sound and that it isn't too expensive. There are a few homeschoolers in our co-op in Emmett's class that can't say the R sound and other kids were making fun of them (not Emmett though) and I really want to avoid that, if possible. Now is the time to get this done.

Back to Busy

The pace of life has dramatically picked up in the last week or so. I'm frantically trying to keep up and I'm not succeeding as well as I would like to. Yesterday was our first day of official "school" since having Cora. Josh had the day off and helped me. He did all the laundry, made pizza dough and cooked the pizza for our special dinner and family home evening (we had a friend over to answer some gospel questions). Plus he let me get to the gym without the kids. He was a rock star husband yesterday. There were times when I looked around at the school mess and wondered how in the world I will be able to do it without him at home. I'm sure it will take some time for us to get into the routine again.

The Eat to Live program has been going well. I have lost 9 pounds since the 5th bringing me up to a total of 40 lbs lost from my max pregnancy weight. It feel good to have that off and to not be pregnant. I keep thinking of how nice it would be if I can continue this trend and lose all the weight I gained on my mission that I was never able to lose. That is a really big goal, but I'm trying to do it. I have already exceeded my goal weight loss for January, so that is awesome.

Young Women's is back meeting every Wednesday night as is Emmett's cub scouts group. He is finished with six of the twelve required goals to earn the rank of Wolf. Plus he has earned his Basketball and Chess belt loops. He will be racking up the awards at the Blue and Gold banquet in February. My homeschool co-op has also started back again and is on Wednesday, which makes for a very busy day. Thank you crock pot meals! I would not be able to feed my family without those.

And I had a request for more pictures of Cora, so here are a few. I need to be taking more since she is six weeks already and I am just not taking enough. We got portraits done at JCPenney on Saturday and hers is pretty cute. The pictures include some school pictures that Josh took for me, a bath picture and one of me, showing how I look right now. Oh, and Melynn got Cora to kind of smile and we got that on here too. So far she hasn't smiled for me.

Emmett's First Pack Meeting

The boys did two really funny skits at pack meeting. That is why he has headband and feather on...it was his costume. They also did a face paint ceremony when the boys achieved a rank. Emmett got bobcat stripes on his face. I missed that part because I had to go to young women's for our Young Women in Excellence program.

Knowledge Value Experience #2

I am supposed to list my talents and make a list of other talents that I would like to develop. I suppose my talents are:

• I am musical: I can sing, play, read music and lead without much effort
• I am good at baking: I can do cheesecake, cookies, bread, etc.
• I'm a decent cook
• I'm fairly organized
• I can read fast
• I love learning
• I am good at not spending money and living within a budget
• I do not procrastinate (well, sometimes...)
• I am a consistent journal writer

My list of talents that I would like to develop:

• I would like to be a healthy cook (which in my mind means that I should stop practicing my talent at baking)
• I would like to be better at regular, deep cleaning in my home...surface cleaning is okay, but I struggle with the deep cleaning
• I would like to learn how to sew better so I could create beautiful things without so much stress
• I would like to feel like weight training and exercise were one of my talents, but I feel like I need to have some kind of physical evidence of this to show that I am developing this talent. I think this one will have to wait until January.
• I would like to be a better listener and friend
• I really need to work on being patient with my children

I could keep going, but I don't want to overwhelm myself. Obviously it is easier to see what I am NOT good at or things that I would like to be BETTER at than being able to see what I am succeeding at. So...to finish this value experience, I am to learn a new skill that will help me care for my family or home. I want to do a sewing project, but I haven't decided what to do yet. I have thought about making a dress-up dress for Melynn, or some type of blanket for the baby. Or maybe I should try making pillows for my couch. Really I have no idea what I should do for it, so I need to think some more. I need to put some patches on Emmett's scout uniform and I've never done that before. Maybe that can be my new skill. Either way I go, I will take pictures and put them on here to document my progress.

Update: I decided to go with sewing on Emmett's scout patches and it was harder than I thought it would be. I used my mother-in-law's recommendation of using transparent thread so that I don't have to buy a million different colors of thread. I thought I could just sew them on by hand and whipstitch around them. That didn't work. I got three stitches completed in about 20 minutes and gave up. The patches were just too hard to poke through. So, I had Josh get down the sewing machine and after another 30 minutes we had figured out how to wind some of the transparent thread onto a bobbin. Again, if I sewed more often I am sure this step would have been easier and faster. The thread kept getting tangled up and was giving me fits. After that headache I moved onto the actual patches. I tried to iron them on a bit to make sure they stayed where they were supposed to be, but that didn't really work either. I started on the sleeve and did the pack (or troop) number and the council patch. That part was hard because I couldn't get the sleeve to turn just how I wanted. I actually sewed the sleeve to itself at one point and had to pick that out. Luckily I caught it before it was too big of a mistake. The round patch on the front was not so bad. Then I was done, like two hours later. And this week he earned his Bobcat patch so now I have to get up the courage to start this over again. Either that or I need to take some advice I got from Tracey Steward and buy Badge Magic, which is some fancy adhesive that allows you to NOT sew them on. I feel like this experience just confirmed that sewing is NOT one of my talents and maybe it never will be. It makes me angry and stressed and I have never been able to find joy while doing it. I keep telling myself that if I keep trying it will get easier and more enjoyable, but honestly, I think I'd rather curl up with a book. 

Knowledge Value Experience #1

I'm teaching a lesson today at young women's about Self-Reliance. At the end of the lesson it had some suggested personal progress activities that I should encourage the girls to complete. The whole section of Knowledge was included and it piqued my interest. This first value experience includes some really amazing scriptures about learning. They are: Proverbs 1:5, Proverbs 4:7, 2 Nephi 28:30, D&C 88:78-80 and verse 118, D&C 90:15, D&C 130:18-19 and D&C 131:6. The instructions are to think about why you need to gain knowledge and understanding about how to apply gospel principles to your present and future home and family life.

My immediate thought was about our homeschool and how these scriptures can guide me in teaching my kids what they need to know. I loved that the D&C scriptures mentioned a blend of teaching the gospel along with "things which have been, things which are, things which must shortly come to pass; things which are at home, things which are abroad; the wars and the perplexities of the nations, and the judgments which are on the land; and a knowledge also of countries and of kingdoms." So history, geography, current events, government, etc. are all important for me to include. Another one said, "become acquainted with all good books, and with languages, tongues, and people." Literature, reading, foreign language, social studies and culture. So, so much to learn about! And here was the kicker for me: "It is impossible for a man to be saved in ignorance." That is D&C 131:6. Yep, knowledge is important.

I probably don't emphasize gospel study enough in my homeschool. I'm working on that, especially with Emmett, trying to encourage him to develop the habit of daily morning prayer and daily scripture study. But I am having a hard time with my own personal scripture study, so really, I need to focus on my example for the kids first.

Personal Progress: Faith Value Experience #5

I completed most of this value experience in September, when I studied scriptures about the Atonement and bore my testimony of Jesus Christ. But I have yet to share my feelings about Christ in my journal. I actually find it harder to write out my testimony of the Savior than I do of sharing it in a Sacrament meeting setting. The words flow much easier from my mouth, than they do from my fingers. I guess I can relate to Nephi and Jacob, prophets from The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ, that said they could only put the most important things in their record because it was so hard and time-consuming to write on the plates.

My testimony of Jesus Christ started to grow when I was child. I had good parents that taught me the gospel and I understood what the Atonement of Christ was at an early age. But I didn't necessarily use the Atonement until much later. I think my personal testimony of Christ grew the most starting sometime around my 18th birthday and into my second year of college. I changed a lot during that period of time. People on the outside looking in would say that I "grew up." But it wasn't that. The change came from the long process of sincere repentance. It was a time of refinement and preparation for the amazing things that have come into my life since then. It was the time I learned for myself that Jesus Christ loved me and that I could receive forgiveness.

Since that pivotal point, the Atonement has become much more than a word or an event in my life. It has become the power that drives my desires to be a good mother, it is what guided me to serve a mission, it helped me prepare to be a wife. I know that the Savior lives and that his sacrifice has enabled me to become a better person. I think you could compare the high school me and the today me and see a huge difference. It is all because of the Atonement of my Savior. And the greatest thing is that the power of the Atonement just continues to help me in my life. It isn't in huge differences anymore. But it is small and it is constant and it is this process that we must all continue through in order to return back to our Father in heaven someday. I am very grateful for the knowledge that I have of Jesus Christ, the Messiah. He is everything and more.

Personal Progress: Faith Value Experience #3

This experience is all about using your faith to live the gospel. I studied fasting and presented a family home evening lesson about how faith helps us to fast. Fasting is something I have struggled with. I don't like being hungry. It gives me really bad headaches. I get super grumpy. I have a hard time acting as the scriptures tell us, where we should not appear to fast. I honestly don't feel like I can hide it when I fast. At least, not from my family.

Not only that, but I have either been pregnant or nursing for almost the last eight years. I have had short gaps of time when I could again fast for two meals but it is has always been a struggle. My first mission companion, the one I had in the MTC, had an amazing testimony of fasting. I remember her teaching me about how you could fast about anything you were struggling with, even if it wasn't a Sunday. I don't think I had ever fasted during the week until I was with her. We would fast together to be better missionaries, to be able to teach with power, like the sons of Mosiah. It was probably the first time I had a testimony of my own of fasting with a real purpose.

I hope when I can fast again, that I can have more spiritual experiences connected with fasting and that I will be able to learn control of my body. I also have the hope that every fast Sunday until then, I can spend more time in prayer and really focus on the Spirit even without the physical part of fasting.

And by the way, we named Melynn after that mission companion because of her great example.

Personal Progress: Faith Value Experience #4

This value experience is all about the sacrament. I read about the Last Supper in Matthew 26:26-28, Mark 14:22-24 and Luke 22:17-20. The goal is to ponder during the sacrament hymn and prayers for three weeks, establishing a pattern that you will have through your life. I looked at that goal and thought, oh boy, this one will be hard. I am usually feeling slightly frazzled during the sacrament as I try to keep three kids reverent. Sometimes I feel downright angry with the behavior of one of my kids who can't seem to keep their bum on the bench. I honestly do try to ponder the Savior during the sacrament. I have had periods of my life when this was easy. As I compared how hard it is now to how hard this would be for the young women, I had to admit that this seems like a really easy thing for them to pass off. But I need the habit just as much as they do so I really set out to try. I have completed my three weeks now and I can't say that I did a perfect job thinking about the Savior the entire song and prayers. I just got interrupted too many time to say I was 100%. But I think I did better.

As I listened I kept thinking about Emmett and how he is going to be baptized soon and will take this covenant upon himself. I really felt like the emphasis of the sacrament prayers was on keeping the Spirit to be with us. Do these things and you will have the Spirit. And that is an amazing promise. I like to summarize the baptismal covenant this way:

T=Take His name upon us
A=Always remember Him
K=Keep the commandments
E=Endure to the end

If we will TAKE this covenant into our life, we can have the Spirit to be with us. We will continually be striving to live like the Savior and that means we will have more faith.

Personal Progress: Faith Experience #2

August 17, 2014
I am still in the middle of experience #1 for faith, but I have decided to start working on a couple other experiences at the same time. I set a goal of finishing the personal progress program before we move and I only have two years to do it. That isn't much time so I need to really stay focused.

Anyway, this experience is about the faith of a mother. I read about the stripling warriors in Alma 56:45-48 and 57:21 where it mentions how their mothers taught them to believe in God and to never doubt. I also read about a mother's roles in "The Family: A Proclamation to the World". The qualities that I think a mother needs to teach her children to have faith and to base their decisions on gospel truths are:

1. She needs a testimony of the gospel and of prayer

2. She needs a knowledge of the gospel doctrines and the scriptures

3. She needs to have a teacher mentality from the time her kids are little (Sept. 4th update: She needs to have a willingness to teach them the doctrine)

4. She needs lots of faith and an understanding of agency

How can these principles help me in my life today? I think that it gives me a nudge to do better, especially in my personal scripture study. I want my children to see that I am in the scriptures, that I am setting the example of what they should do. Ever since coming home from my mission I have kind of yo-yo'd with personal scripture study. I have good and bad times. And I'm trying to develop the habit again, along with all my other responsibilities and feeling like it is an impossible task. I need to set a time for myself to study and stick to it. And I think the time needs to be 6 AM, before the kids wake up. So, now I just need to figure out how to get myself up and overcome the deep fatigue that I've been struggling with this pregnancy. Step number one is going to bed earlier, obviously. I'm just thinking out loud here. Goal time is 10 PM and if that isn't early enough I will shift it again. That part is going to be hardest I think.

August 18, 2014
I woke up at 6 AM today and went to bed earlier last night. Both were hard. Melynn came in my room at about 5 AM to make sure Josh hadn't left yet (he was getting ready for the day and she heard noises). So that made getting up at 6 even harder because she went back to bed after he left and I could have slept until they all woke up at 6:30. But I did get some good scripture study in, even if I only covered a few verses. I read a really neat quote from Joseph Fielding Smith about Satan and how he and his followers were cast out of heaven and the consequences of their choices. It related to 2 Nephi 2:17-18, I think, where it talks about how the devil seeks for everyone to be miserable like he is. Fascinating stuff.

September 4, 2014
Boy does time fly. I finally talked to another mother about the qualities a mom needs to raise righteous children and she had some really good points to share. She mentioned how having an understanding of the Atonement in one's life enables you to see the Atonement working in the life of your child and how important it is for us to realize that they are not perfect, as we are not perfect. Why do we expect our children to be perfect when we are not? I need to cut my kids some slack and teach them how to use the Atonement in their life to become better people. At some point in their lives, children have to rely less on their mother and more on the Savior anyway, so starting to teach them this when their young is really good advice.

We also talked about how knowing the doctrine and teaching the doctrine to our kids results in a better learning experience than just teaching about behavior. Elder Boyd K. Packer of the Quorum of the 12 Apostles said, "True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior. The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior...That is why we stress so forcefully the study of the doctrines of the gospel." ("Little Children", Ensign, Nov. 1986, pg. 17). Such a good quote to remember as a mother. Here is an example of what we were talking about: Let's say your child comes to you and asks why we don't pierce our ears multiple times. Your response could be a number of things, but if you focus on the doctrine: Our body is a temple and the Spirit dwells therein, then the question kind of falls to the side. Of course you do not want to do anything to your body that would make it so the Spirit cannot dwell within you. This doctrine applies to what we consume, what we wear, tattoos, etc. The conversation made me want to start a list of the doctrines and the questions that they answer so I am prepared with the correct answer for my kids. It also made me want to be a healthier eater. And it made me want to be a better mother, which I think is entirely the point of the value experience.

Personal Progress: Knowledge Value Experience #5

Last night for the Laurel class activity, I had a guest speaker come present about her career as a fitness instructor, specifically her training to teach Zumba, at the girls' request. It was such a neat presentation because she talked about how women in the church have to prayerfully seek for answers on how to fulfill the prophets' words about getting an education and about being mothers. And sometimes those two principles seem to conflict each other. She told them that each of them needs to make their life choices a matter of prayer and fasting. Such wonderful advice! It seems like this topic has come up over and over again in our Sunday lessons the last couple of months. Anyway, it was a great night and I came away feeling a confirmation that what I am doing as a mother, even though I'm not "using my degree" for a career, is the right thing to do. I already knew that, of course, but it is nice to have another affirmation of my choice. 

The best part of the night was when Allie, one of the Laurels, announced that her friend has decided she wants to be baptized a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. She is going to start taking the missionary lessons and will probably set a date soon. That is a pretty neat thing to see. 

Personal Progress: Faith Experience #1

August 3, 2014
I have chosen to take the challenge of working toward a Young Womanhood medallion, since leaders can participate in the Personal Progress program as well. I know it is probably strange for me to post this type of thing, but the blog has replaced my journal and the journal reflections are a large part of the Personal Progress program. And honestly, I write this blog for myself and not for anybody else, even though I know others read it. So if this isn't what you want to read, feel free to skip it.

This is my first value experience and the requirements were to read about faith from the following scripture passages (Hebrews 11; Alma 32:17-43; Ether 12:6-22; Joseph Smith--History 1:11-20) and then to read two general conference talks about faith. After doing that I was supposed to focus on the habit of prayer, morning and night, for three weeks, and then at the end write my thoughts and feelings about faith. I have finished the readings and am starting my three weeks. I have a firm habit of prayer already, so instead I'm focusing more on the quality and specifically want my prayers to be more personal. I plan on making a prayer list of people I need to be praying for, since a lot of my really close friends are really struggling right now. And it seems like the more I focus my prayers on others, the more people I think of that need prayers. So that is my goal and as I proceed I will update here and then post it all at the end.

August 9, 2014
Prayers are going well. I am praying longer prayers and my list of people/concerns to pray about is growing. I guess that is just the natural consequence of really thinking about it instead of just going about my business and praying half-heartedly some of the time. I went to the temple this morning and spent time in the Celestial room pondering/praying in my heart for a dear friend who is struggling in her marriage. It breaks my heart every time I think about it but I know the Lord knows her, her struggles, and that He will help her through this. 

August 17, 2014
I am two weeks finished and I can tell that this is working to strengthen my faith. I feel like it has helped me feel like my prayer is actually doing something for other people. For example, there are two specific things that I have been praying for that have happened. One was almost immediate. My sister told me she had lost her wallet and I told her I would add it to my list of things I was praying for, specifically that she would find it. I did pray for her to find it, because I know that losing a wallet can be very stressful and she had already been looking for days. She texted me the next day and said that her husband found it, in some random location in their house. I know they had been praying to find it and I like to think that they just needed one more person to show faith in Heavenly Father's power. What else is neat is that in the church we use the example of losing something and praying to find it and how that always works and I have never had that experience until now. So now I actually have a story of showing enough faith in Heavenly Father that I would pray for something small, like finding a wallet.

The second specific thing I was praying for was one of my friend's twin boys. He was doing well and the nurses had started feeding him out of the bottle. The only thing he needed in order to come home was to take all of his feeds by bottle, so I started praying for that specifically and he should be coming home today. I feel like it is a huge blessing for my friend to be able to take home one of her precious babies. We have also been praying for his twin brother, who has many things still to focus on, and those prayers are being answered too. He is growing stronger each day and has also started to take bottle feedings, which is huge progress.

I guess the point of what I am trying to say here is that I have a strengthened testimony that praying for specific things, even if they are small, can bring about amazing changes. It has opened my eyes to those around me that are struggling and my heart is being opened with the desire to serve more. I guess that is the blessing of charity. If you love people enough to pray for them, then you will develop the love needed to serve them in other ways. I think it is pretty neat how after just two weeks I can feel so different about where my testimony is.

I also know that the Personal Progress program can really change your life, if you go about it seriously. Talking with my sister about her wallet, we also discussed this particular value experience and I told her how it is really about helping the girls form the daily habit of morning and evening prayers. I think that it was when I was in young women's that I developed this habit and I've had it ever since. And since the habit was there, I focused on the quality of my prayers this time and it has been such a great experience! I am excited for Wednesday when we meet with the girls and talk about their personal progress goals because now I have a stronger testimony of the program.

August 28, 2014

This was a great goal. So, even though I'm finished with the requirement, I'm not really ever going to be done. How can you be done having faith and saying fervent prayers? It was wonderful to focus on and I'm so glad I did it.